So I have recently gotten more involved with my eating disorder recovery and have been focused on fat acceptance. My therapist has made comments about it over the past couple of year, but I have just waved it off thinking to myself - How on earth can I accept myself at this weight?
I am finally getting it! It feels really good. I have found some really good resources online and some great books. One that I am really enjoying is called Fat?So! How ingenious for a title! It is really funny. One thing that is common in the fat acceptance community is that there is a misrepresentation on the dangers of obesity. Now, that for me has been hard to swallow in some terms, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense.
For example: Supposedly we are all getting fatter, right? (I don't know, I feel like people look the same as always, but maybe people 20 or 30 years ago were thinner) Who is making more money as we all get fatter? Doctors, insurance companies, medication manufaturers (who pay for the research to be done) and of course the diet industry. We are talking about BIG BUSINESS here. None of these people really want anybody to loose weight. None of these people want to 'help' people with the obesity epidemic. They want to make money. (well, except doctors who do want to help and are just listening to what they are told by 'research'
So what would happen if everyone just stopped obsessing about their weight and relaxed a little. What if we could get rid of the hatred of what a 'fat' body looks like. I haven't ever been able to change by people (myself included) being mean and hating me. So, it creates a viscous circle. Loose weight, loose will power, give up, get distracted, gain more weight, hate yourself more. Would we all just chill out, love ourselves more, focus on other things, and with that - not focus on food so much, and maybe loose a couple of pounds?
I just know that I have been feeling better about myself in the past couple of weeks. I have stopped eating more of the times that I felt full (which isn't something I do often) I have asked myself if I really want to eat more, or just want the taste/bored/angry, etc and then decided if I want to eat it. If I am full, I am reminding myself that it will be there later when I am hungry. I don't have to eat it now, it isn't going to disappear!
Now, mind you. I don't think that being super morbidly obese is healthy (super morbid obese is the technical term for my bmi - kind of feels like I should make a halloween costume and be Super Obese Woman - crimefighter!) I can feel a difference in how I feel when I am this weight and when I have been other weights. But seriously, all the times in my life, when I have looked good and felt great, I was still considered 'obese'
I am just feeling good about feeling good! (and spring break is in only one week!)
2 comments:
wow, that is pretty powerful stuff. I've lost quite a bit of weight since starting to eat the diabetic diet and it is interesting how I don't feel like I've lost anything. Just the fact that my clotes fit loosley (well, except around my bugeouning belly). I had a conference w/a student today that has caused me quite a bit of stress lately. In the meeting she shared rather emotionally that she is uncomfortable with eating in front of people because of her own body issues. She is a beautiful girl with a full figure. To some she would probably be overweight, but when I look at her I think "she is healthy" and wish more of the girls looked like her.
I re-signed up for my diabetic diet just a few days ago. I lost considerable weight when I was on it before. I've lost about 30 pounds since October. Staying with my younger brother Michael is the trick. He is health conscious. Cooks good food that tastes good as well. I can't say that I accept myself at the weight I am...373...but I can walk a lot further than I could when I was 446. People say nice things too. That feels good. I have 7 wonderful children, and almost have 10 grandchildren. They need a healthy father and grandfather. I want to be that for them and for myself.
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