So I am expanding on my last post. As I left my house this morning, trying to calm down, I realized that I see myself as a crazy person who is trying to act normal. Every once in a while there is a crack and that crazy person gets out and acts crazy. I wonder how I will have a high stress job and not freak out. I know that this is something that Josh has been talking to me about lately.
I know that I am not really a 'crazy' person, and that word doesn't really mean much anyways. I am embarrassed about the fact that I have stayed in a mental ward 3 times, because I couldn't handle my life and emotions and wanted out. I take medications daily to help 'stabilize' my moods. We went around the group for clinical and everyone talked about why they wanted to become a nurse. I didn't really tell the truth, because the first time that I felt like nursing was something that I would like to do was the first time I was in the psychiatric ward at Valley. There was a nurse working there who seemed like a nice normal guy who was willing to share about his past. He told us that he has bipolar disorder, but has learned to live well with it. I thought that I would like to help other people realize that what they 'have' isn't so horrible and that help is there.
Random change in topic - or not. But I sent an e-mail about 1 word that would describe me. So far I have gotten: fun, mega-intelligent, committed, and 'loving one'
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Dern. I just typed this awesome poem to you Joan Edith and lost it trying to send it. Now it's lost in the abcess of my mind. Ewwwwwwww!!!!! Fear not my little one, help is on the way. PowerSeed shall sustain you in your hour of need. Water it, dung it, watch over it. Watch it (your emotional well being) take on power and self awareness of your overpowering goodness. No matter the obstacle you have power to overcome. I KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE.
Love, your father!
JMG
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