Happy and Sad

I don't really talk about it anymore, because time has gone by and people aren't really that interested, I suppose - but the best year of my life was spent in a little town in northern Greenland. I definately had ups and downs, but in all, it was amazing. I have done and see things that most people never will - like walking on the frozen ocean, riding on a dogsled, ate seal and whale.

The only time that I went back was 10 years ago, right before I got married. Shortly after that, my host family came to visit me here in the states. My sister Ivalu stayed behind to live with my family. It turned out not to be a good match. My family is loud, fights a lot, kinda crazy, and it really freaked Ivalu out. Ivalu didn't seem to want to be here, so long story short, she went home. I heard from my mom one time after that, and then for 8 years haven't heard anything from them.

Well, happily, Facebook has given me the ability to find all my old friends and my family. My heart has been so full the past couple of days because I have been thinking about the good times that I had while I was there.

Unfortunately, I talked with my host sister Parnuna, and found out that my brother Aputsiaq had committed suicide in 2002. My heart really hurts now. I started crying right then while talking to her, and couldn't talk anymore. I feel weird being so emotional about it. I mean, it happend 7 years ago, and I didn't even know him anymore. But I am REALLY sad about it. My heart has been heavy all afternoon. I got my parents phone number and will call them in the morning. I just keep crying about it and feel sick. I can't imagine what that would be like for his mom and dad and sisters. Unfortunately, Greenland has a very high suicide rate.

I think that it has impressed upon me though,(besides that I am grateful for prozac, lithium, lamictol, celexa, etc.) that I would really like to see what psychiatric nursing is like. When I was inpatient at Valley after Balthezar was born, and I had really bad post pardom depression, there was an awesome nurse. It made me want to be a nurse. I have had the lowest of lows, so I can definately feel the pain of others. I have also been able to find a way to live with my issues, and to constantly work to do a better job, and be the person that I want to be.