Sunday, March 11, 2012

I don't know why I sit at the computer and just look at facebook forever. I guess that is what everyone does nowadays. What a waste of life. I mean, I could go and work out or read a book or do something constructive, but I just sit on my ass and do nothing.

Moises is all trying to be nice. I fucking hate that shit. He took us all out to dinner today. I don't even know how I am supposed to respond. I mean I am nice and all, but what the fuck. I mean, to fucking little too late. I guess if he really fucking meant it he would have gone to his group like I asked, right? I mean what is the point of all this is shit.

He even went to church. Then Sean Macdonald came over to talk about the priesthood to me and Moises and Balthezar since Balthezar turned 12. I don't know. I mean, I think Balthezar wants to get it and it will probably be a good thing for him, but I just think it is a load of shit. Althought it could be good for Moises too.

I am just sick of this thing on my arm. I just want it to heal and to go away. Who knew that a burn could be this bad? i am sick of the pain and the crap that goes along with it.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

pain

so I have been in physical pain for a couple of weeks now. I did it to myself. I held my arm on the burner of the stove. It got infected. It has been an ordeal. it is a full thickness burn, and I think that my skin is not going to grow back and I need a skin graft. I went to a wound specialist and have some new foams that I am putting on it instead of the silver cream, but it is just looking the same, just dryer. I saw my pyschiatrist yesterday and told him and said that I felt stupid about it. He said that I could use some non-judgemental words. That is so true. I was feeling suicidal and really horrible and I haven't felt that was since. I have felt bad, but mainly been focused on my burn!

I told moises again yesterday that we need to get divorced. He said he couldn't believe I was doing all of this over the toilet. I explained that it isn't the toilet, it is what it represents. Him wanting to teach me a lesson verses not wanted to pitch in and help out. He was like - well, I did teach you a lesson, you guys are flushing now! Great - you taught me a lesson and now are loosing your wife. How about them apples!