Thursday, February 23, 2012

two days

It has been two days since I stopped calling people. It had been really difficult for me. I hold my phone and think about calling people all of the time, but then I think what for? Do they really care? I mean, if someone really cared, would they notice that I haven't called for two days. I guess it isn't exactly true. I had to call mom yesterday and ask her to watch Edith for tomorrow, but I tried to get off the phone as fast as possible. I don't want to take her precious time. I mean, she could be doing something really important or something. Stacie has a new dog to take of, so you know, that is much more important and pressing that a sister. I mean, he is going to pee on her floor and make it smell, so god forbid. Genevieve did call me. That was a miracle. She never calls me. She just got married 9 years and left. She has her own kids and life to attend to. Kathy is busy with school and life in cheney so she doesn't call, and Josh has a full time job and a fiance. I understand why people don't call. It is a crazy busy world out there. No one has time for each other. Why would they have time for me. And even if they did have time for me, what exactly would they do? I mean, it isn't exactly like I am little miss sunshine. I am a big fat ugly depressed bitch. I hate you.

People always say after some big tragedy, like a big shooting, or after someone kills themself, or kills their family -"Oh, no, we had no idea. Stupid fucks. No one is paying attention to anybody. If anybody paid the slightest attention to people that shit wouldn't happen.

I actually feel better today. I talked to Holger online. He is really sweet. I also burned myself pretty bad on the stove. It really stings. Nothing like pain to feel better. Maybe I just need to take a week vacation to Denmark. I would have to loose 100 pounds first. I couldn't fly by myself over there at this weight. That is lame.

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